Before, I was just this young girl with a dream of becoming a nurse, then it became a pilot, then a doctor, then a power ranger, then an astronaut, and then it turned to becoming America's Next Top Model, and living with Spongebob in his pineapple under the sea, and so on. In short, I didn't know what I want and who I want to be. I got so overwhelmed by the intensity of life and how it could make or break you. But this year made me realize that I should make up my mind: Who am I gonna be? Where am I going? When am I gonna take the risk? Why am I here? What do I want and what am I gonna do with my life? Only I can answer those. Not my bestfriend, not my mother, not even Ed Sheeran, and most definitely not you. It's me. The one and only, bitch.
As I'm typing this, I'm looking through the pictures in my mind and think about how crazy it has been. From god-awful selfies and 'jeje days' that is my ultimate nightmare, to perfect dark matte lipsticks and #ootd's; it has been one hell of a ride. I remember how it felt like to be scolded by your 3rd grade adviser because you're too noisy inside the classroom and you're not listening to her (she's Mrs. Manuel, if you want to know); how it felt like when the mother of your classmate, who cried because you smacked him on the back so hard, came to school and you didn't know what to do; how it felt like when you're dancing and singing in front of a lot of people for almost 5 years; how it felt like to be a crush of somebody from the same sex; how it felt like to have that one particular music activity when we were in 6th grade when we sang a song called 'Agos ng Batis', and how it made me want to learn to play the guitar. I remember how it felt like to be in a new environment when you just graduated from elementary and you're entering high school and you're excited because you know your friends are gonna be there; how it felt like to start that first lesson and how your first day of high school ended; how it felt like to try different things that you haven't tried before; how it felt like to see that very good looking junior boy for the first time and you're gushing the whole day and you have no idea that he's gonna be your crush until now (hi there Nemo! I have a crush on you since my first year in high school. I'm on my 3rd in college now, just so you know and you still make me swoon); how it felt like to have your first love and know that it's not just a puppy love but a real one, the kind that makes you ache from within and cuts you deep in the soul; how it felt like to have your first heartbroken and think that it's not just an emotional pain but a physical pain as well, and how it made you a little bit stronger and wiser; how it felt like to have your first kiss without thinking it could be your last with him; how it felt like to be stabbed in the back by someone you once called a friend; how it felt like to be devastated in your own senior prom when your guy bestfriend didn't even dance with you, let alone talk to you; how it felt like to stand beside your classmates throwing that white cap off when the day of your graduation came. I remember how it felt like to enter your new universe in the face of red and white, and how terrified you were back then; how it felt like to talk to your new found friend and how proud you were at that moment; how it felt like to welcome people and feelings from the past with open arms just to watch them leave again and slip through your fingers; how it felt like to have that major argument with people whom you trusted your whole being with; how it felt like to just look at that someone's smiling face and just say to yourself, "I really did love him,"; how it felt like to be alone and how, at the same time, depressing and independent it made you; how it felt like to feel okay again and not just saying it because you want it to be true, but because it is true. I am okay again. So many feelings, so many memories. Memorable, draining, funny, excruciating -- all these made me who I am today.
Now that I'm 18, I know who I want to be: I am going to be the type of person who listens more rather than speaks more. I am going to be the girl who will make you see that life is full of screaming colors, not just plain black and white. I am going to be the friend who will be supporting you through good times and bad, and who will kick your ass if you do things you're not supposed to be doing to yourself. I am going to be the daughter my parents could be proud of. I am going to be the sister my brothers have never expected. And I am going to be the type of person you will never ever forget.
Now that I'm 18, I know where I am going: I'm going to travel the world. Amsterdam, Paris, Rome, Jerusalem, London, New York -- all of it. I'll be going to the path where things are difficult to go through but once you get through it, you're a better version of yourself. I'll be going to the boulevard of tired eyes, restless hearts, and broken dreams and find that one brave soul to take it home so he could be mine and I'll be his. I'll be going somewhere only we know.
Now that I'm 18, I know when I am gonna take the risk. It's now. I will seize any opportunity I can get; I will jump every cliff I could find; I will grab every chance that will come my way. Why spend my life thinking about 'what ifs' and 'i should'ves'? Why not here? Why not now? There's nothing more perfect than now.
Now that I'm 18, I know why I am here. I'm here for my family to support them in any way I can. I'm here for my friends to listen to their rants and scold them if need be. I'm here for those people who think they have no one. I'm here to inspire, to encourage, to lift up, to carry heavy loads of bullshit you can't take anymore, and to speak when words can't seem to find you. But most especially, I'm here to be me and to be who I am supposed to be -- an instrument for a greater purpose.
And now that I'm 18, I know what I want and what I'm going to do with my life: I want to learn to fly, and I'm gonna fly high!
"Take these broken wings and learn to fly.. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise." - The Beatles, Blackbird
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