RED

“And it was like slow motion; standing there in my party dress in red lipstick with no one to impress.” – Taylor Swift

I always believed you have to make an impression for you to be noticed; to see what it all looks like from the dance floor; to try not to be a wallflower. As Bill said to Charlie on The Perks of Being a Wallflower, you need to ‘participate’.
I still believe in that now. But in my 16 years of existence, I guess I learned something again. I realized that sometimes, it’s okay to be a wallflower; that it’s okay to just see things – feel and understand them; that it’s okay just to express and not to impress. Simplicity is what I keep.
Today, I’m already 16; 16 but feeling 22. In a good way, though. I’m in college, I have great friends, I have an amazing family, and I have God. What more could I ask for, right?
But in those 16 years, sometimes it’s also okay to try something new. After all, ‘variety is the spice of life’, as Christian Grey once taught me. So because today is my day and I’m already 16, I’m going to be a little bit ambitious. A little bit of a dreamer, I prefer and fulfill these dreams of mine in the future. Or should I wish I could.

I dream of having a nice, cozy place with a lot of books and records and photographs on the wall.
I dream of having my own walk-in closet full of band tees, dresses, Converse, Ray Ban’s, and stuffs.
I dream of having latte with long-time-no-see friends and still feel great just being with them after ages of not seeing each other.
I dream of recording all my bedroom-floor-made songs from my amateur song-writing skills in a very bad day and have an album and people with taste will buy it.
I dream of bumping into a long-gone enemy from high school and have a nice chat and say ‘Hi’ without being awkward and at rage.
I dream if writing a bad-ass romantic-comedy-drama novel that will surely put Nicholas Sparks or John Green on their knees just to get their spots back on New York Times Best-Selling Authors.
I dream of meeting a real gazzilionaire Christian Grey or a sexy Travis Maddox on a Harley or an angel like Patch or a Shadowhunter like Jace or a band frontman like Adam Wilde and I’ll be like Ana or Abby or Nora or Clary or Mia. Just one, I’ll be good.
I dream of being able to travel around the world and see it from a different view that no one else had.
I dream of meeting someone who will make my hear melt and not bleed at the same time like before; who will look at me straight in my eyes and tell me they love me; who will make me feel beautiful in spite of a bad hair day.
I dream of being the person I want to be. And I want to be the person who inspires people; who fixes everything that can still be revived; who connect to others and give them hope; who understands things and say what she really want to say and not be afraid about it; who shows everyone that she is her; who forgives but not forgets; who lets go of the things that may make her happy but damned in the end; who looks before she falls.
I dream not just to be a person, but a woman with a personality that shines even through the darkest of alleys and corners of this boulevard of broken dreams.

Before, I can’t see anything ahead. Everything’s blur and foggy. But now, even though the road’s still the same, I am still moving. And I can see a tiny light of my future at the end of the road in a bright, burning red. It’s too bright I have to wear shades. B-)
Maybe leaving behind the person who you were in the past is hard to let go. And maybe being the person you want to be is too expensive or impossible to achieve. We’ll never know, right?  But this I can assure you: It’s easier to be the person who you are today. Do not be afraid to show the world who you are and what you can do. Do not pretend. If they love you, appreciate it and thank them. And if they don’t like the real you and hate you, screw them and say, “Whatever you say, bitches.”

So, this is me. The girl in red lipstick on that picture above is me. I may not have a 24-inch waistline or perfect eyebrows and well-toned skin or pointed nose and a perfect personality; at least, I have myself. I’m real and I don’t need to please anyone.

If I want to sing, I’ll sing; if I want to smash your face, I’ll smash your face; and if I want to wear a red lipstick because I’m already 16, I’ll wear a red lipstick and you’re gonna shut your mouth and say nothing about it because this is who I am today and I don’t give a shit. And I wouldn’t change it for you, honey.