The Hentai Prince

I met you on a strange place.. a place where people just play and have fun.. a place where people don't take everything seriously.

I knew then that I was in the wrong place. I just got there looking for someone to talk to. And then, there yoi were.. I met you.

You were so funny, I laughed out loud a lot that late night. I got so comfortable talking to a stranger like you. It almost felt like I knew you before, but I actually don't. We're complete strangers but somehow, we're friends instantly. And I was thinking to myself, "Who would've thought I'll find a friend in a place like this?"

I considered you a friend that instant to the point that I even gave you my number, which is very unusual of me. We talked more, and then.. I heard you. You were so adorable. I was sold instantly, and you didn't even have to try.

As days passwd, we knew a lot of things about each other more. Smart, funny, argumentative, passionate and quite frankly, a pervert -- you were all those things, and I actually like that about you. So brutally honest, as well. I might even be close to saying I love those things about you.

All of a sudden, you scared me. You scared the hell out of me. I hear your voice every night, and I think about you every day and our conversations together. I'm afraid that I might fall for you. And then you told me, "I'm scared for you too."

I can't even remember the last time I held my tears while talking to someone on the phone just for them not to hear me crying. I know I'm being a pathetic. But it fucking stung when you told me you're not gonna fall for me. It fucking hurt me. It's not that I want you to fall for me. It's just that your words are fucking salt to my wounds and I was helpless. And I confronted you for it, and because you're you, I lost. And then I got scared shitless because of your tone that night. I was so tired and I was happy we're talking that time, but it all turned into a nightmare when our conversation, and honestly our 'relationship', whatever that is, got complicated. I can still remember it vividly in my head. I can still remember the tone of your voice and I can still feel the physical pain of holding back the noises I made while sobbing. I'm so fucking pathetic.

That was the day that I promised I'm gonna detach from you. Maybe that's why we're not talking anymore, or maybe more like why I don't know how to talk to you anymore. I'm just writing this coz I kind'a miss it. I'm fighting myself coz I don't wanna be in too deep. I know you like someone else and I know you're too busy with your hobbies and weird fetishes, but if there's one thing I want you to know, it's this:

It's true when I told you I was happy I met you. I really am. You brought new shades of color to my life, and I'm grateful for it.

But now, I may have to stick to black and white. After all, my life has been that way for too long. Might as well get used to living on it by now.

PS. I called this The Hentai Prince coz your name tastes foreign in my mouth. I'm not even gonna start practicing now. And please don't ask me to say your name, I might as well say fuck you.

If ever you have met the most mercurial bithch on earth, well think twice. Because i am the most mercurial bitch on earth.

I'm hating myself right now and i don't even know why. I've been feeling so good earlier and then all of a sudden, a fucking emotion ripped through me that made me like a heap of rag on the floor. I was with my friends, i had a good time with them, i watched how i met your fucking mother and now this sinking feeling that i'm gonna be alone and pathetic in life comes to my blurred senses. What is this? Why am i like this? I hate this feeling. I wanna rip somebody's throat out, probably mine. 

God please i hope this stops. I hate myself right now

WHY

Why do we want things we can't have? Why are we so obsessed with this idea that wanting it is worth it even though it hurts you deep inside? Why do we even smile even though it's making you bleed? Why are we so pretentious to say that it's okay even though it's not? Why do we even get mad at people who take us for granted when in the first place, it's us doing it to ourselves? Why are we so fucking hypocrite?

Learn To Fly

For three consecutive years, my birthday post had been entitled with Taylor Swift's songs and albums. There was Kinse (Spanish for Fifteen) back in 2012; Red on 2013; and #1997 (like 1989) last year, 2014. But this year, I've decided to change it for once. I'm gonna learn to fly just like the Foo Fighters. Because today, I'm fucking 18.

Before, I was just this young girl with a dream of becoming a nurse, then it became a pilot, then a doctor, then a power ranger, then an astronaut, and then it turned to becoming America's Next Top Model, and living with Spongebob in his pineapple under the sea, and so on. In short, I didn't know what I want and who I want to be. I got so overwhelmed by the intensity of life and how it could make or break you. But this year made me realize that I should make up my mind: Who am I gonna be? Where am I going? When am I gonna take the risk? Why am I here? What do I want and what am I gonna do with my life? Only I can answer those. Not my bestfriend, not my mother, not even Ed Sheeran, and most definitely not you. It's me. The one and only, bitch.

As I'm typing this, I'm looking through the pictures in my mind and think about how crazy it has been. From god-awful selfies and 'jeje days' that is my ultimate nightmare, to perfect dark matte lipsticks and #ootd's; it has been one hell of a ride. I remember how it felt like to be scolded by your 3rd grade adviser because you're too noisy inside the classroom and you're not listening to her (she's Mrs. Manuel, if you want to know); how it felt like when the mother of your classmate, who cried because you smacked him on the back so hard, came to school and you didn't know what to do; how it felt like when you're dancing and singing in front of a lot of people for almost 5 years; how it felt like to be a crush of somebody from the same sex; how it felt like to have that one particular music activity when we were in 6th grade when we sang a song called 'Agos ng Batis', and how it made me want to learn to play the guitar. I remember how it felt like to be in a new environment when you just graduated from elementary and you're entering high school and you're excited because you know your friends are gonna be there; how it felt like to start that first lesson and how your first day of high school ended; how it felt like to try different things that you haven't tried before; how it felt like to see that very good looking junior boy for the first time and you're gushing the whole day and you have no idea that he's gonna be your crush until now (hi there Nemo! I have a crush on you since my first year in high school. I'm on my 3rd in college now, just so you know and you still make me swoon); how it felt like to have your first love and know that it's not just a puppy love but a real one, the kind that makes you ache from within and cuts you deep in the soul; how it felt like to have your first heartbroken and think that it's not just an emotional pain but a physical pain as well, and how it made you a little bit stronger and wiser; how it felt like to have your first kiss without thinking it could be your last with him; how it felt like to be stabbed in the back by someone you once called a friend; how it felt like to be devastated in your own senior prom when your guy bestfriend didn't even dance with you, let alone talk to you; how it felt like to stand beside your classmates throwing that white cap off when the day of your graduation came. I remember how it felt like to enter your new universe in the face of red and white, and how terrified you were back then; how it felt like to talk to your new found friend and how proud you were at that moment; how it felt like to welcome people and feelings from the past with open arms just to watch them leave again and slip through your fingers; how it felt like to have that major argument with people whom you trusted your whole being with; how it felt like to just look at that someone's smiling face and just say to yourself, "I really did love him,"; how it felt like to be alone and how, at the same time, depressing and independent it made you; how it felt like to feel okay again and not just saying it because you want it to be true, but because it is true. I am okay again. So many feelings, so many memories. Memorable, draining, funny, excruciating -- all these made me who I am today.

Now that I'm 18, I know who I want to be: I am going to be the type of person who listens more rather than speaks more. I am going to be the girl who will make you see that life is full of screaming colors, not just plain black and white. I am going to be the friend who will be supporting you through good times and bad, and who will kick your ass if you do things you're not supposed to be doing to yourself. I am going to be the daughter my parents could be proud of. I am going to be the sister my brothers have never expected. And I am going to be the type of person you will never ever forget.

Now that I'm 18, I know where I am going: I'm going to travel the world. Amsterdam, Paris, Rome, Jerusalem, London, New York -- all of it. I'll be going to the path where things are difficult to go through but once you get through it, you're a better version of yourself. I'll be going to the boulevard of tired eyes, restless hearts, and broken dreams and find that one brave soul to take it home so he could be mine and I'll be his. I'll be going somewhere only we know.

Now that I'm 18, I know when I am gonna take the risk. It's now. I will seize any opportunity I can get; I will jump every cliff I could find; I will grab every chance that will come my way. Why spend my life thinking about 'what ifs' and 'i should'ves'? Why not here? Why not now? There's nothing more perfect than now.

Now that I'm 18, I know why I am here. I'm here for my family to support them in any way I can. I'm here for my friends to listen to their rants and scold them if need be. I'm here for those people who think they have no one. I'm here to inspire, to encourage, to lift up, to carry heavy loads of bullshit you can't take anymore, and to speak when words can't seem to find you. But most especially, I'm here to be me and to be who I am supposed to be -- an instrument for a greater purpose.

And now that I'm 18, I know what I want and what I'm going to do with my life: I want to learn to fly, and I'm gonna fly high!

"Take these broken wings and learn to fly.. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise." - The Beatles, Blackbird

Stay

One of the worst things you can do to someone is to take them for granted. People are so busy looking at their own reflection in the mirror that they can't see what's around them. You do things, and suddenly you hurt somebody. But then, you realize that this somebody, loves you and already forgave you before. So you are so comfortable with the thought that this person will take you back again. But no. Thinking that way just makes you a very awful person. It's so fucking selfish! Every time that person forgives you in every damn time you fuck shit up, it patches you up and you feel brand new. But you'll never see how it cuts deep inside for that person to sacrifice and swallow every ounce of pride s/he has. Apologizing is not the only time you surrender your pride. It's also in forgiving. Don't you have any idea how fucked-up it is to forgive someone even though s/he doesn't deserve any forgiveness?

So don't you ever think that she's gonna stay this time. Instead, make her want to stay. Not because she has to, but because you deserve another chance.

To My Future Guy

It's probably late or probably too early for you to read this. You might just have woken up from a dreadful major exam yesterday or just gonna go to bed after 4 mugs of coffee because you're finishing your project. You're probably stressed out because of your unruly hair that can't be straighten out for your thesis defense or you can't sleep because you have a job interview tomorrow. Hell, you might be annoyed right now coz I want you to read this in front of me so that I can see every emotion that will pass across your face. Or maybe you might be rejecting that request of mine because it's too cheesy for you so I'm telling you right now that please don't because i'm gonna say something..

please be patient with me.

I know i'm irrational at times; I might be too frank and serious about all things; I might be mean and say awful things about your exes; I know i can be too sensitive about the music on the car or on the jeepney (i just said 'car' because i'm assuming you're a rich bastard, but hey i got it all figured out that we have to commute to experience life so just forget about it); i get annoyed when you don't use serving spoon/fork whenever we have dinner at y/our house; I get angry when you say you don't like harry potter because it makes you gay but let me tell you it would be life-changing to be in Hogwarts (oh, i know. i've been a gryffindor and a slytherin when i had some dreams about it); i also do stupid decisions and i keep on making you worried about me coz i gave up on texting frequently a long time ago so you have no idea where am i sometimes; I know i'm in love with jon snow and that's never gonna change and i hope you become the lord commander of the night's watch someday so i can get over him and not imagine him having my babies; I'm a bitch sometimes (okay, oftentimes); a blubbering mess whenever we watch a drama or a chick flick; a raging bull every time you cut your classes just to be with me (i'm not most girls babe. some girls might find this sweet, but hell no, not me); and a hypocrite for saying i'm not a hopeless romantic.

Look, all i'm saying is that i'm not gonna be a perfect girlfriend. I have a lot of flaws that i didn't even mentioned here because seriously, that is a long list. But hey, above all these flaws, i am something right. And that's being your girl.

I'm not gonna ask you for anything. I'm not actually a demanding person. All i want is for you to just be there as i am for you. I will hug you hard every time you need one and hug you harder when you don't; i will kill the cockroach that caused you to scream like a little girl in the living room; i will introduce you to all my favorite everything so that we will not argue that often about our favorite Beatles' song and our favorite young-and-hot-and-i-mean-super-hot-Brad Pitt film; i will kiss your mouth whenever you get so worked up with your lessons at school and whenever you tell me i'm beautiful even though i don't have slender arms or abs; i don't care if you have remains of pizza on your teeth coz i will still tell you that you make me feel like i'm 14 when you smile at me; i will forgive you even before you say sorry to me (but babe please, have the decency to really apologize. only if it is your fault, don't worry); and i will still love and adore and miss and hate and cherish and curse and love and love and love you even if you're a conceited, arrogant son of a bitch who has a beautiful smile that always makes my day brighter and loves me not more than his mom.

You don't need to give me the world. You don't need to fly me to the moon.

You don't need to move mountains for me.

Just be patient with me. And don't give up easily on me. And love me.

And believe in me when I say i'm gonna do the same.

My Playlist

Music has been, and will always be, an essential part of my life. If you know me personally, you will know that I won't get out of the house to go somewhere quite far and not bring my earphones. My earphones is actually my bae right now.

Normally, I am a huge Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith and The 1975 fan. I mean, I love them so much so it's given that I listen to their music all the fucking time and I'm proud of it. But I have an eclectic taste in music. My jam ranges from oh-my-god-i-shouldnt-let-other-people-know-im-listening-to-this-kind-of-crap to ha-you-motherfuckers-yeah-i-have-an-amazing-taste-in-everything-unlike-you. So forgive me.

Here are some of the songs I frequently, and recently, listen to. This also includes some of the songs that I really love even from other eras. (note that these are just all from my phone, i still have a lot of faves other than these) Check them out!

A

A Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz

A Step You Can't Take Back - Keira Knightley

Adia - Sarah McLachlan

All I Want - Kodaline

All Is Said and Done - Broadcast 2000

All My Love - Cameron Mitchell

All This Time - One Republic

Angel - Jack Johnson

Angels or Devils - Dishwalla

Anna Sun - Walk The Moon

As Much As I Ever Could - City & Colour

Asleep - The Smiths

Atlas Hands - Benjamin Francis Leftwich

B

Back and Forth - Operator Please

Back To You - Alex & Sierra

Beach Baby - Bon Iver

Beeswax - NazcarNation

Bermuda - Kisses

Better Than Penelope - Wendy Darling

Blackbird - The Beatles

Bones - Lewis Watson

Break My Fall - Golden Coast

Break The Cycle - You + Me

Brick - Ben Folds Five

Broken Stereo - Sean Fournier

Bulletproof Weeks - Matt Nathanson

C

Calendar Girl - Stars

California - Rogue Wave

Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Lady Antebellum

Captivated - Lady Gaga

Close Your Eyes - Young Love

Coffee and Cigarettes - Augustana

Come Around - Rosi Golan

Come Away With Me - Norah Jones

Cue The Sun! - Daphne Loves Derby

D

Deadwater - Wet

Delicate - Damien Rice

Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis

Dream Girl - Hunter Hayes

Dusk and Summer - Dashboard Confessional

Dying Now - Noah Gundersen

E

Echo - Jason Walker

Embrace - Phillip Larue

Every Little Thing - Dishwalla

F

Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

Fiona Coyne - Saint Pepsi

Fix You - Coldplay

***Flawless - Beyoncé feat. Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche

Forget Me - Dozens

Frame By Frame - The Honorary Title

Franklin - Paramore

G

Gotta Have You - The Weepies

Gravity - Sara Bareilles

Gravity Rides Everything - Modest Mouse

Guiding Light - Foy Vance

Gypsy - Suzanne Vega

H

Half Life - Duncan Shiek

Happy Accident - Jason Reeves

Hazelton - Justin Vernon

Hazy - Rosi Golan feat. William Fitzsimmons

Heart - Stars

Heart Like Yours - Willamette Stone

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths

Higher (Oliver Nelson & Skogsrå remix) - Tobtok feat. Emil Heró

Ho Hey - The Lumineers

Home - Michael Bublé

How Lucky We Are - Meiko

I

I Fell In Love Once - Chase Coy

I Knew This Would Be Love - Imaginary Future

I Love You - Alex & Sierra

I Miss You Love - Silverchair

I Swear This Time I Mean It - Mayday Parade

I Think God Can Explain - Splender

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

I Wanna Get Better (RAC Remix) - The Bleachers

I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie

I Won't Let You Go - James Morrison

I Won't Love You Any Less - Nat & Alex Wolff

If You Ever Come Back - The Script

In Love Again - Colbie Caillat

In Repair - John Mayer

Infinite Jet - Happy Particles

Islands - Young The Giant

It's Over - Vertical Horizon

J

James Dean - Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

James Dean & Audrey Hepburn - Sleeping With Sirens

Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum

K

King of Anything - Sara Bareilles

Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute

L

Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me - The Smiths

Last Night on Earth - Greenday

Learning To Breathe - Switchfoot

Let's Make This Moment A Crime - The Format

Like A Fool - Keira Knightley

Like We Used To - A Rocket To The Moon

Lonelily - Damien Rice

Look After You - The Fray

Lost Stars - Adam Levine

Love Alone - Caedmons Call

Love Gone Wrong - You + Me

Love's To Blame - Joel & Luke

Loveless Way - Belgian Fog

Loves Me Not - Kris Allen feat. Meiko

M

Madly - Tristan Prettyman

Make It Without You - Andrew Belle

Maybe I'm Just Tired - As Tall As Lions

Middle of Nowhere - Hot Hot Heat

Miracle - Vertical Horizon

Morning - Beck

My Heart - Paramore

N

Naive - The Kooks

Never Change - Chase Coy

Never Find Again - Jason Reeves

Never Say Never - The Fray

New Hampshire - Matt Pond PA

New Start To Start - Hark The Herons

No Fucking Around - Rafter

No Way Out - Rie Sinclair feat. Mike Suby

Noni's Field - Anathallo

Northern Wind - City & Colour

Not A Bad Thing - Justin Timberlake

Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw

O

Ocean Wide - The Afters

OctaHate - Ryn Weaver

P

Partition - Beyoncé

Phobic - Plumb

Playing God - Paramore

Poison and Wine - The Civil Wars

Promise - Ben Howard

Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People

Q

Question - Old 97s

R

Rewind - Diane Birch

Ribs - Lorde

Ride - Cary Brothers

Right On Track - The Griswolds

Rocket - Beyoncé

S

Safe and Sound - Capital Cities

Samson - Regina Spektor

Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional

Seaside - The Kooks

Sherry Fraser - Marcy Playground

Show Me What I'm Looking For - Carolina Liar

Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley

Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Slow Dancing In a Burning Room - John Mayer

Slow Motion - Little Red

Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers

SO. GOOD. - Johnny Stimson

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

Sooner Surrender - Matt Nathanson

Sophia - Nerina Pallot

Speechless - Lady Gaga

Stardust - Lena Meyer

Stay - Lisa Loeb

Still - Matt Nathanson

Stranded - Plumb

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

T

Take Me Away - Lifehouse

Take Me To Church - Hozier

Taken - Plumb

Team - Lorde

The Love Club - Lorde

The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

There is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

Think of Laura - Christopher Cross

Thinking of You - Katy Perry

Today - Smashing Pumpkins

Try - Asher Book

U

Undercover Martyn - Two Door Cinema Club

Upside Down - Two Minds Crack

V

Volcanoes - Damien Rice

Vulnerable - Secondhand Seranade

W

Wake Up - Coheed & Cambria

We Are Broken - Paramore

We Are Not A Football Team - Minus The Bear

We Intertwined - The Hush Sound

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

When She Cries - Restless Heart

When We Say Juicebox - AJ Rafael

White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons

Why - Avril Lavigne

Wild Motion (Set It Free) - Miami Horror

Without You - AJ Rafael

Without You - Charlie Wilson

X

XO - Beyoncé

Y

Yellow - Coldplay

You - The Pretty Reckless

You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol

You Remind Me Of Home - Ben Gibbard

Young Hearts - Strange Talk

Your House - Alanis Morisette

Your Song - Elton John

Youth - Daughter

123

3 Rounds and A Sound - Blind Pilot

101 - WALLA

102 - Matty Healy // The 1975

400 Lux - Lorde

405 (acoustic) - Death Cab For Cutie

I also love some amazing covers:

Blank Space / Style mash-up cover (Taylor Swift) - Louisa Wendorff & Devin Dawson

I Can't Make You Love Me / Nick of Time mash-up cover (Billy Joel) - Justin Vernon // Bon Iver

Dreams cover (Fleetwood Mac) - Dana Williams & Leighton Meester

Landslide cover (Fleetwood Mac) - Glee (Gwyneth Paltrow, Naya Rivera & Heather Morris)

There are too many songs in such a tiny space. And there are too many songs this world have and I'm not even close to tell you all of my favorites. But there ya go! Enjoy!